Red flags in relationships are talked about every day and everywhere on social media. While these flags are sometimes blatant other times they’re subtle. But most often than not, they are visible in the early stages.

What are red flags?

A red flag is an unwanted behaviour or deal-breaker which cannot be tolerated  There are red flags in all kinds of relationships — friendships, romantic relationships, and so on. While some red flags can be managed, others cannot. But it also depends on you. What you consider a red flag may be green for someone else.

Some examples of a red flag are; domestic abuse, emotional abuse, cheating, and excessive lying, among others.

Again, while some of them may be excused by you, another person may not excuse them. In the same vein, there are some subtle red flags which eventually blow out into blatant ones such as emotional abuse. 

Some of these subtle red flags are;

Bread-crumbling

As the name implies, bread crumbling is when you’re being fed crumbs in the name of effort. These crumbs are distributed like a dog trail for you to follow and more often than not, they are done irregularly. 

red flags

The concept of bread-crumbling is embedded in giving the barest minimum. Doing little to nothing but making it seem large. For example, a partner who texts you two times in two days consecutively but ghosts for a week. Then when they return, they pick up like nothing went wrong, and this keeps reoccurring. When you call them to figure out what’s wrong, they either don’t pick or dismiss your feelings as mere insecurities. 

Also, when you need them as emotional support, they’re either not there or they make excuses. 

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in the victim’s mind.  

A partner who gaslights is as dangerous as an emotional abuser. They’re almost the same. What they do is make it seem as though you’re crazy when you complain of a recurring attitude. For example, let’s assume you saw them at a party dancing with someone else and you confront them about it. 

red flags

Someone who gaslights would not admit immediately that they did anything wrong. They could start by reminding you of something you did wrong too in the past or saying you were lying. Even chronic is when they allude to your allegation as hallucinations or turn the table around, such that you become the guilty one in an instant. They somehow pin the fault on you and take no responsibility whatsoever for their actions. 

A classic example of someone who gaslights is Ryan from the show, The Office (US). 

Love-bombing 

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It is often mistaken for interest and effort. 

A love-bomber has one goal— to flip the table as soon as you’re love-bombed. They do so many things in a short period and so early in the relationship that it feels as though they’re making efforts. However, as soon as you start gravitating towards them, they reduce the “efforts” and leave it all to you. 

red flags

For instance, a love bomber could meet you today and by tomorrow, they have called you about ten times, sent you about two gifts, requested a video call and even worse, they could introduce you to one of their folks in that same short period. 

Although these acts are possibly what you want in the long run, you should ask why they are in a hurry to do it all at once. Bear in mind that most times, you barely even know anything about them. They simply love-bomb and ghost so that you can take the mantle and do all the efforts. 

This article was written by Sola Tales.

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