Ever heard of human attachment styles? Have you ever been in situations where you find yourself constantly emotionally hungry or wary of intimacy and closeness? You could allude this to your personality, or worse, your zodiac sign. The truth is, there is a much more accurate reason for this and it’s called attachment style.
According to relationship coach, Ekorhi K Benjamin, attachment styles shows how your being raised or experiences in life can affect how you react or show up in relationships.
In this vein, you should know that there are four major types of human attachment styles and they are;
Human Attachment Style 1 | Anxious-Preoccupied
The anxious-preoccupied attachment style is characterized by individuals who tend to be overly needy emotionally.
Benjamin says, “this usually is out of emotional hunger than true love in most cases. They often lack self-esteem and usually crave intimacy so much. However, they are worried others don’t want to be with them; as much as they (the anxious-preoccupied) want to be with them (their partners).”
What are its negative effects?
This attachment style could lead to trust issues, over-fixation on your significant other, and obsessiveness.
Attachment Style 2 | Dismissive – Avoidants
These are individuals who are often wary of intimacy and closeness in a relationship.
“They usually try hard to avoid every form of closeness because they would often leave things superficial.”
This could be your attachment style if you often find yourself obsessed with independence, freedom and self-sufficiency.
Its negative effects
Dismissive-avoidants tend to disregard their partner’s emotions and feelings, and avoid vulnerability.
Benjamin adds, “As a dismissive-avoidant, you will find having casual dates preferable to long term dates; and also find people who are not emotionally invested quite appealing.”
Attachment Style 3 | Fearful-avoidant
Think of a combination of anxious-preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant, and you have fearful-avoidant. These individuals are half the latter and half the former. Fearful-avoidants are plagued with an intense fear of neglect and abandonment; which is often a result of childhood trauma, abuse, or emotional neglect.
This is your attachment style if you often find yourself wanting closeness at the same time resenting it.
Its negative effects
“You may find yourself being controlling, insensitive, untrusting, which often causes you to become reactive and possess abusive behavior. “As much as you crave intimacy; being fearful-avoidant makes you terrified of it because you think you are unworthy of love,” Benjamin says.
Attachment Style 4 | Secure
As the name implies, this set of people are secure in their feelings and emotions. Individuals who falls under this style is not plagued by trauma or anxiety in relationships.
This is your attachment style if you set appropriate boundaries, feel safe, stable and satisfied in relationships.
Benjamin adds, “People with secure attachment styles are secure enough to take responsibility for their mistakes. The “secure” are flexible enough to seek support and help. In a relationship, they can see things from their partner’s perspective. They can seek healthy ways to manage conflicts because they can balance their emotions. They can seek closeness from their partner; and are able not to become so anxious and preoccupied when their partner is absent.”
Article written by Sola Tales